I sing with a town-and-gown choral ensemble at a local university. I love it. It’s one of the things that keeps me sane.
Last week, I found out that the same university will be staging a production of Candide. They’re holding auditions tonight and tomorrow night. Unlike many of their operas, this one requires so many cast and chorus members that they’re opening auditions not only to the music majors, but to the entire university community — students in other departments, faculty, staff, and community members.
I would love to be a part of this. And I probably can’t — because of the damned doctorate. Because I’m writing my dissertation this year, and it’s hard enough finding time for that as it is, between working and parenting and doing my share to keep the household running smoothly.
I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I can’t help it. It’s all well and good to say “Oh, there’ll be other opportunities.” When?
I’m even stealing time to write this blog post, grabbing a few quick minutes at my work site. Why? Because when I get home tonight, my caring and concerned partners will be looking over my shoulder, and (I fear — maybe not, but I fear so) questioning anything I do at my computer that isn’t directly connected to my dissertation proposal. Blogging? Twittering? Why? How much of a time suck am I allowing?
Time sucks. Yeah. That about sums it up.
Sorry. I seem to have lost perspective for the moment. I’ll probably make my peace with this eventually. For now, though, I seem to want to be angry. Somehow, it feels like the least I can do.