If blogging can be therapy, can it also be triage?

So far, I’ve been astonishingly shy about using this particular blog as therapy. Seriously, I’m astounded at myself, because it’s not that I don’t have plenty of issues to spew (eww…thanks, but I already have a handkerchief…), and it isn’t even that I don’t ever enjoy self-disclosure. I do have a LiveJournal in which I’ve been blathering for years (though yeah, some of those posts are privacy-locked, I admit), and goodness knows what’ll come out of my mouth next on Twitter. My tweets are public but (of course) succinct; my LiveJournal entries are long and rambling, but often shielded. So perhaps it’s something about the combination of Being Seen (eek!) and giving myself plenty of rope, enough to…well, I’m sure I don’t have to draw you a picture.

I’ll sort things out in time, I’m sure. Meanwhile, if I can’t yet give myself the gift of self-therapy in this blog, I can at least make an effort at self-triage.

There are, quite simply, a lot of things on my plate right now. Work things, school things, money things, family things, homemaking things, hostess-y things. And I’m having to face the fact that there is simply too much, I am going to fail at some of it.

In my darkest moments, I feel like a speeding train. The rails are where they are, and will take me where they take me; I have little to no control over the rails. Perhaps the best I can do is to just be the very best train I can be, a shining and smiling Little Engine that Could(n’t): “I think I can, I think I can, I think I — AAAAAAAAAH!”

No, there is something else I can do. I can remember what matters most. No, not in that obsessive and anxious way in which it all matters, including the kitchen sink. I can get back to basics.

What matters most? Creating the art that I feel called to create, and loving the people that I love.

That’s it.

As long as I can do those things every day, I am not a failure, dammit.

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2 responses to “If blogging can be therapy, can it also be triage?

  1. You are NOT a failure – dammit !!!

    I think everybody feels that they are failing at this time of year…

  2. This is my baseline, too. In reverse order (because sometimes I fail to make art).

    Peace to you, and happy new year!

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